tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38707334052099415482024-02-20T08:01:03.632-05:00The PHunion: A HIGHlarious news sourceSatirizing the Jamband and Live Music community since 2011Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger60125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-67612542635956059272012-03-01T20:43:00.001-05:002012-03-01T20:43:03.838-05:00The Phunion has moved!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Please visit our new and updated website www.ThePhunion.com<br />
<br />
With Love,<br />
Trey Antipasta, Cactus Jack and Robert Palmer Plore</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-58822897837531820492012-02-29T14:33:00.009-05:002012-02-29T15:24:10.766-05:00The tour continues in 2012, the whining never stops....<div>Well now that Phish summer tour dates have arrived we see that they rightfully will be playing a plethora of shows on the east coast. Problem is not only do we have the annual summer tour, we also have the endless annual whining of the left coast fans. Seems nothing is ever good enough for the left. Always preaching about diversity and equality of more shows spread throughout the country only to still complain when they get their Colorado, California, and Washington dates. No this just isn’t good enough for the west coast. Nothing ever is. They always want more. Always looking for more handouts from phish with very little effort to show for it in return. Go get a real job and go on a real run on the east coast.<div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbRFqxTHtYxFCACe9-Kt1iirP0zcXskXeIqpiYxLVYQ7QX1BBe55P4IvyCaR-DB7QF5TSUhPW6kS8tclm6hQZfL7yoStRz38ruSBhfKIDk4lKL56eSd37TexjbGMrm_5ZA6K8O_HKtQfvI/s1600/phunion+phish+tour+pic+crying.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 198px; height: 198px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714649170779178914" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbRFqxTHtYxFCACe9-Kt1iirP0zcXskXeIqpiYxLVYQ7QX1BBe55P4IvyCaR-DB7QF5TSUhPW6kS8tclm6hQZfL7yoStRz38ruSBhfKIDk4lKL56eSd37TexjbGMrm_5ZA6K8O_HKtQfvI/s320/phunion+phish+tour+pic+crying.png" /></a><br />Meanwhile phish should be congratulated for displaying the courage to reward the hardworking right coast fans. The conservative schedule throughout the east stays true to their ideals allowing the real dedicated fans to show up. Why should the east coast lose out on show dates when this fan base has continually come out to support a group throughout the years going back to the beginnings? Phish needs to close its borders and keep tickets at home on the east coast. We need to reduce big touring and wasteful spending. The east coast is where true fans belong and<br />where phish needs to stay. So while the west coast will be crying in their heady beers this summer the east coast will rage on as always.</div><div> <img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 320px; height: 146px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5714651240381008722" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXRgVqXv-yCYlAPTgtLH1IuxbdKihOnsCBy9BKPEXjwnNzImzbyr2wTHD9q32S11yR6WR8Sc2Ycs-JhpH36CxEXXKzJKSRVdFbYh_ScgTAYzCDes-AMrLIKfyekRZ2PBjD2hLJ12KnYAC6/s320/phunion+phish+tour+ticket.htm" /></div><div> </div></div>D Dubbshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08498619579650629236noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-66217088770466183732012-02-29T13:40:00.002-05:002012-02-29T13:43:53.206-05:00Phish Summer Tour 2012. The 1% Gets Richer While The 99% Suffer<br />
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<b>Phish</b> Summer <a href="http://concertconfessions.com/2012/02/phish-summer-2012-tour-dates/" target="_blank">Tour Dates</a> are out and that can only mean one
thing; the out of touch and corrupt Phish camp has taken great pride and screwed
over 99% to please the greedy 1%. Once again the rich and entitled boys from
Vermont are focusing their energy by performing close to home and away from
their most loyal of fans. Skipping over such highly populated locations
including Denver, Dallas, Las Vegas, San Francisco and St. Louis; the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coran_Capshaw" target="_blank">Coran Capshaw</a> managed nostalgia act have once again decided to play ¾ full
amphitheatres to a crowd that has grown fat on a band who clearly does not give
a fuck about anyone living west of the Mississippi river. Below I have gathered
some facts that no main stream media wants to publish. PHISH HATES THE WEST
COAST!!!!!!!</div>
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By the time Phish wraps their summer 2012 tour, the 3.0
version of the band will have played no less than 80 times in the Eastern Time
Zone while only performing a total of 15 shows in the Pacific Time Zone. Some
additional stats for you to chew on, 36 shows will have been held in the state
of New York, 11 shows in New Jersey, and 8 shows in Virginia and Massachusetts.
As far as the Pacific Time Zone goes, four shows have been held at The Gorge
which is a 2+ hour drive from either Seattle or Spokane 5 shows (Greek ‘09 and
Tahoe ’11) were held at venues holding less than 10,000 people and one show was
a headline set at a massive festival where phans had to sacrifice sets by
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZEy1RwkSQ8" target="_blank">Erykah Badu</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4MI73mLCpQ" target="_blank">The Shins</a> in order to catch <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G608W5dXvqk" target="_blank">Phish</a>. That means the Pacific Time Zone has hosted a
grand total of five headline shows in major metropolitan areas, and three of
those (Berkeley) were next to impossible to obtain tickets for.</div>
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As if this is not disturbing enough, we live in a day and
age where Phish struggles to draw on their own home turf. Many 1% members
mocked <a href="http://phish.com/news/2009/24/phish-festival-8" target="_blank">Festival 8</a> in remote Indio, California for only drawing 45,000 without
taking into consideration that it was the only Phish festival held while school
was in session. With estimates for <a href="http://www.superballix.com/" target="_blank">Superball IX</a> festival maxing out at 40,000
attendees, the east coast festival had far less fans then Festival 8 in remote
Indio, CA. Venues like Hollywood Bowl
and Shoreline when graced by Phish on weeknights have sold out in less than an
hour while East Coast staples such as The Corporate Amphitheatre near Boston
and Various Bank Amphitheatres in New Jersey have not sold out till day of
show. Yet still no love from Mike, Trey, Page and Fish. Fuck, Trey hates the
west coast so much, he can’t even remember what year the band recorded <i>Hoist </i>out here. </div>
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/f3w_7mFT78s/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/f3w_7mFT78s&fs=1&source=uds" />
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Hell Phish has even ignores us for late night television
appearances. With Conan now filming on the Warner Bros. Lot, Jay Leno a few
blocks away at NBC and Jimmy Kimmel live in Hollywood every weeknight, the band
has played it safe only appearing on Jimmy Fallon’s NYC filmed show since their
reunion. We can already confirm that Phish will play Letterman again before
they play Jimmy Kimmel Live because that’s just the Phish thing to do.</div>
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One other thought to chew on. Why is it that Phish will
offer East Coast pussies that can’t stay up to 1am on a weeknight a window of
48 hours to enjoy a Tahoe webcast, yet won’t allow west coasters who are often
at work when an East Coast webcast kicks off the same option? IT’S BECAUSE THEY
HATE THE WEST COAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</div>
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If re-elected I call on President Barack "Llama" Obama to go after
Phish and their camp of corrupt corporate puppets and demand that the band
begins to perform more often out west. It’s not fair that 1% gets 99% of the
Phish action. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL_5wtUBB420eqFzecllqysgCPPz5Jh0AHGYw51wK6K8tbudwUC4v76nJhvC2B46hITyunCHlr352NQP80Ry8QUSpCbl4OLGwn6JjWsU_as21VjPTrvFW0FTGIEDYSLr43KjdyIUu8GjE/s1600/1hippie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhL_5wtUBB420eqFzecllqysgCPPz5Jh0AHGYw51wK6K8tbudwUC4v76nJhvC2B46hITyunCHlr352NQP80Ry8QUSpCbl4OLGwn6JjWsU_as21VjPTrvFW0FTGIEDYSLr43KjdyIUu8GjE/s320/1hippie.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>Robert Palmer Plorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285170223621387548noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-20814837903786454042012-02-23T22:13:00.000-05:002012-02-22T23:24:30.868-05:00Dark Star Orchestra's new 'Jerry' has middle finger amputated<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In the interest of adding to the realism of the Dark Star Orchestra experience, new 'Jerry' Jeff Mattson recently underwent surgery to remove the middle finger of his right hand. "We aim for precision", said Lisa Mackey, female lead vocalist for the renowned Grateful Dead tribute band. "It wasn't something we asked him to do, but Jeff really took one for the team and I think it contributes to the group's effort to capture the realness of the Grateful Dead experience."<br />
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When asked about the amputation experience, Jeff held up his hand emphatically and excitedly shared "Oh this is gonna be so awesome! I used to play like Jerry, now its gonna be perfect!" Wincing in pain as he strummed his guitar whistfully, Mattson teared up a bit, perhaps in pain or out of emotion. The operation was deemed a success, as Dr. Gabel sat down and talked to Jeff about the recovery period and that he shouldnt play guitar till the digit is healed and bandages are removed. Mattson replied, "Doctor? Doctor? Mister M.D., can you tell me, what's ailing me?". Gabel replied, "You had elective surgery to remove a finger. The situation's gotten out of hand. You need to let it heal." Mattson begrudgingly agreed, saying "It sure is nice to be back in the game."<br />
<br />
There was no word if bassist Kevin Rosen was planning to have his liver removed, despite being in good health.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-46080957707942597242012-02-23T13:45:00.002-05:002012-02-23T13:45:44.342-05:00Be Prepared: A Phish Heads Guide To The Walt Disney Concert Hall<br />
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By the time the Ginger Jedi known as <b>Trey Anastasio</b> walks
onto the stage of the Walt Disney Concert Hall, it will have been 371 days
since the Phish front man has <a href="http://concertconfessions.com/2011/03/treyhollywood/" target="_blank">last blessed the West Coast</a> with a solo appearance.
Fortunate for us phans in the Pacific
Time Zone, Mr. Anastasio will be joined by the Los Angeles Philharmonic.
Typically reserved for socialites and not <a href="http://www.freshbrine.com/mang/wook_original.jpg" target="_blank">wooks</a>, we have put together a quick
list of tips for the Walt Disney Concert Hall in order to maximize
your experience.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaYvqBp16jV-QpRSjNUM85jUDYL3r_drvsopJpPXCmarDDjTDagUQuCM-THNqnHWNyAcEIUdVt_ks25ETui-Nh4m_S4W6q2SanF8GdUfMmAZc8s2YXVnwI2A6QpVErH_dGrv655JQvyoo/s1600/767px-Image-Disney_Concert_Hall_by_Carol_Highsmith_edit.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="249" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjaYvqBp16jV-QpRSjNUM85jUDYL3r_drvsopJpPXCmarDDjTDagUQuCM-THNqnHWNyAcEIUdVt_ks25ETui-Nh4m_S4W6q2SanF8GdUfMmAZc8s2YXVnwI2A6QpVErH_dGrv655JQvyoo/s320/767px-Image-Disney_Concert_Hall_by_Carol_Highsmith_edit.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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5) <b>The Lot Scene</b>:
Walt Disney Concert Hall features plenty of underground parking for the low,
low price of $9. With limited security, there is no reason us phans shouldn’t
have this place hot boxed by 6:30.</div>
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4) <b>The Lobby Scene</b>:
Too smokey in the parking lot for you? Have no fear the Walt Disney Concert
Hall has a wonderful lobby where eating and drinking is encouraged. Come early;
bring your vegan snacks and a six pack of your favorite microbrew. </div>
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3) <b>$100 Bills: </b>The
staff at the Walt Disney Concert Hall takes their job very seriously. If they
see as much as a cell phone out, they will swoop down upon you and yell at you.
Knowing that this will make long respected Phish traditions like taping,
nitrous and live tweeting difficult it is best that you bring Benjamin Franklin
with you to keep your local usher far away.</div>
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2) <b>The Acoustics: </b>The
Walt Disney Concert Hall was built for music. The sound inside the Frank Gehry
designed venue is superb. It is in your best interest to be prepared, so make
sure your clapping skills for “Stash” have been practiced before you enter the
venue.</div>
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1) <b>Special Guests: </b>No,
we are not talking about the LA Philharmonic. It’s the Walt Disney Concert
Hall. While it may be an hour (three with traffic) away from the actual Disney
theme parks down in the OC, just think about the collaborations that could go
down. From Ariel from <i>The Little Mermaid </i>rocking
a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Tl3AN-moMY" target="_blank">dinglehopper</a> during <i>Water In The Sky </i>to
Buzz Lightyear singing the submarine line from <i>Time Turns Elastic</i>, we could truly see some EPIC shit go down when
Trey hits the heart of Los Angeles. </div>Robert Palmer Plorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285170223621387548noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-58138128025929311822012-01-30T08:13:00.000-05:002012-01-30T15:16:01.574-05:00Untrained HeadCount Volunteer Counts Heads, Registers Zero to Vote<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="text-align: left;">At this past weekend's Umphrey's McGee shows at Best Buy
Theater in </span><st1:place style="text-align: left;" w:st="on">Times Square</st1:place><span style="text-align: left;">, the ever present
HeadCount table was staffed by live music fans who register voters and provide
information on the issues to fans. However, one volunteer who was volunteering
at his first show took the mission of HeadCount to be something different.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Greg Coleman from Mount Vernon, NY was excited to be taking in both an Umphrey's show as well as volunteer with HeadCount, but right from the start, something was off. "He was just kinda standing there, looking at everyone and counting to himself," reported Meghan Neely, a HeadCount volunteer for 4 years. "We thought he was just breaking the ice at first but he kept doing it and writing down numbers every so often. After about an hour he stopped doing anything altogether and went to watch the show." Coleman seemed to be sober, according to multiple eye witnesses, who noted that Coleman did not drink and was usually sober at shows. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">During setbreak Coleman returned to the HeadCount table, struck up a conversation with volunteers while they were talking to fans, some of whom were being registered to vote at the time. "Come on, I got this all done earlier. No sense doing it all over again" as Coleman attempted to end the effort to register voters from the Umphrey's McGee fanbase. Neely shared that she was confused, "He really seemed to think he had done the groups job all on his own. All he did was stand there and stare at the crowd counting. Thats when it hit me. He was actually COUNTING HEADS. What a dumbass."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">When reached for comment, Coleman proudly reported that he counted 1,927 heads over the course of the night, close to the sell out crowd on Saturday night."Yup, I figured I would just get it done early, so I started counting all the people out near the bar, the coat check lines (those were easy) and around the bathrooms where those well placed seats are. Once I counted them, I headed inside and started counting in earnest before and during the show."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">Remarked Coleman, "I feel like I really made a difference that night."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: inherit;">According to HeadCount Executive Director Andy Bernstein, Coleman was brought in for training, a first for all show volunteers of HeadCount. "I was surprised that he didn't know to get a clipboard, walk around, talk to fans and if they aren't registered to vote, you try and get them to register. Pretty cut and dry ya know?" Bernstein cannot recall an instance when a volunteer or staff member didn't know the primary mission of HeadCount was to register voters and promote issues awareness. "Seriously, I started HeadCount years ago and the thought has never crossed my mind to actually count people, let alone their heads. This is a first for me. Incredible"</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: #222222;">Coleman went through a set of </span><span style="color: #222222;">new training procedures that are now in place for all volunteers. A three-hour comprehensive Civics course followed by practicing registering voters. Bernstein reported that Greg passed with flying colors and seeing the error of his ways, will be counting heads at festivals this summer. </span></span></div>
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As routine as the swallows returning to San Capistrano, Phish fans began 2012 in expected fashion - complaining about New Years and bitching about what they didn't like. Already well known for loving the band to great lenghts, Phish fans sometimes cannot shut the fuck up when expectations aren't met, are exceeded, or even when they get everything they want. Such is the conundrum of Phish fans.<br />
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"The shows were fun and I loved seeing my friends, but the music was, well, lacking," was one of many comments from fans following the four-night stand at Madison Square Garden that culminated in a New Years Eve show with a gag that centered around the song 'Steam'. However, this did not satisfy fans in different ways, leading to complaints from all sides. A sampling of comments from message boards and Twitter:<br />
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"Why Steam? Fuck that song!"</div>
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"I can't believe they played Alaska <i>and</i> Velvet Sea AFTER midnight. WTF?"</div>
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"Who the fuck was that chick in the air?"</div>
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"Where the hell was Reba?"</div>
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"Did they forget to jam?"</div>
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"Why didn't they play something for 20 minutes?!"</div>
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"This song selection sucks!"</div>
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"Why aren't they playing what I want them to play?"</div>
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"Another Possum. FML."</div>
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<br /></div>
A well thought out remark or two was found, but rare. Nearly all discussions about New Years were ended with "But I still love this band", showing that love was not lost and Phish fans have plenty of opinions about every single thing Phish does.<br />
<br />
A spokesman for Phish responds to fan reaction with the following statement from the band: <br />
<br />
Statement from Phish on New Years Run to the Fans: "What? What? WHAT?"<br />
<br />
Individual band statements were issued as well :<br />
<br />
Trey: "What?"<br />
Page: "WhAt?"<br />
Fish: "wHAT?"<br />
and Mike: "(Cowbell noise)"</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-76471162388972617072012-01-12T09:36:00.000-05:002012-01-12T09:36:00.808-05:00Exxon Valdez Captain Joseph Hazelwood remarks on his grounding of Holy Ship! in Bahamas<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The infamous Captain of one of the worst environmental disasters, Joseph Hazelwood, remarked on his running of the MSC Poesia aground in shallow water in Grand Bahama. The boat was on a three day cruise under the festival name Holy Ship! featuring a mostly electronica-based lineup.<br />
<br />
"Look, I apologize for mistaking 14 feet of water for 26 feet but Skrillex told me he had it under control. We agreed on a mutual swap - I would take over playing his dubstep, partially to prove anyone could make that shit work, and he would pilot the ship. Granted, three hours later I ran the ship aground but who knew that I would fall into a K-hole?"<br />
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Sloshing water on the podium at the press conference, Captain Hazelwood did appear remorseful in words but did not so in actions, refusing to "clean the oil off those fucking birds!"<br />
<br />
Reports indicate that the ship was stuck for much of Saturday, January 7th and a few ravers were tossed to the side, partially from the lilting of the ship and partially because they were already dancing at an angle that would lead them to fall over anyways.<br />
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Hazelwood continued his defense of the situation, "This isn't oil you know. So Skrillex lost his glasses and he looks less like Corey Feldman. It's a fucking improvement I tell you. The boat made it back and I'm on vacation. You can find me at the bar."<br />
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No word yet if Jamcruise will swap Captain Stubing out for someone who can actually command a boat.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-39888615147441295142012-01-12T03:01:00.004-05:002012-01-12T03:02:53.570-05:00Jimmy receives some bad news from his father via text<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-39631753973669619362012-01-10T22:30:00.000-05:002012-01-10T22:30:29.415-05:00Phish Summer 2012 Mock Draft<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Every April the four
members of Phish gather in a small coffee shop down the street from Radio City Music
Hall and draft what songs they want to perform on their summer tour. Much like
the National Football League, draft order is based off individual performance
from the past year (thus Fishman always getting the first pick). While Phish
1.0 performance was based off of comments on Phish.net boards, the band has
used #MVP Tweets to pick the draft order since reforming in the year of our
lord, 2009. With the Phish draft, Round 1 is typically reserved for songs you
will become sick of, Round 2 is for rare gems/covers that will only be played
once and Round 3 is a free for all no holds bar balls to the wall wild card
round where anything and everything goes.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">We here at The Phunion
are pleased to present to you with our Mock Draft for Summer Tour 2012.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Round 1</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">1) <b>Trey
Anastasio – </b><i>Time Turns Elastic:</i><b> </b>(Pick acquired from
Jon Fishman in exchange for Anastasio’s third round pick and three cows for <b><a href="http://www.facebook.com/pages/Elderflower-Farm/135845629809965" target="_blank">ElderflowerFarm</a></b>).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fresh off his spring
tour performing with various symphonies across America, Anastasio does not care
if you decided to drain your lizard during this modern day classic. Trey is all
about the long compositions in 2012 and plans to play <i>TTE </i>at
least twelve times before the summer comes to an end.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">2) <b>Page
McConnell – </b><i>Wading In the Velvet Sea:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Let’s be real here,
the boys are no longer spring chickens. Needing a breather (especially when
they play at high altitude in locations like Colorado and Lake Tahoe) Phish
needs to bring it down a few notches in the second set these days. <i>Wading
in the Velvet Sea </i>is the natural choice for Summer Tour 2012 because
much like novels by <b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nicholas_Sparks" target="_blank">Nicholas Sparks</a></b>, it creates tears from the sensitive types.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">3) <b>Trey
Anastasio – </b><i>Kill Devil Falls:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Anastasio’s New Year’s
Resolution is to only flub this songs opening riff at every 5<sup>th</sup> show
this summer. What better way than to play it over and over and over
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">4) <b>Mike Gordon
– </b><i>Access Me:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Having traded Fishman
for the first round pick last year (for legal reasons, we can’t say what was
traded) Gordon was loved on Shakedown Streets from Bethel to George for using
the pick on <i>Possum</i>. This year, Gordon has decided to pick the
somewhat rare <i>Access Me </i>as the jam to make fans sick of. Not
that it’s a bad song, he just enjoys watching Anastasio struggle with the
composition in retaliation that he is not allowed to take a piss break during <i>Time
Turns Elastic.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Round 2:</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">1) <b>Jon Fishman
– </b><i>Faht:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Just to be a prick,
Fishman plans to bust this out at the one show that the incredible YouTube
God <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/mkdevo?feature=watch" target="_blank">MKDevo</a></b> is unable to attend. Yes, he will flub three notes, but the
goal is to get enough #MVP votes to not land with the #1 pick in 2013. He of
course fails as rage side does not rhyme with Fishman side.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">2) <b>Page
McConnell – </b><i>Runaway Bride:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">By April, the talk of
the world will be Kim Kardashian’s love affair with Jarome Iginla of the
Calgary Flames. With a July wedding planned, McConnell (a rabid fan of TMZ as
well as any and all programming on the E! network) knows Kim will have cold
feet and leave her new man waiting at the altar. It will be a rainy night in
St. Louis when Phish performs this cut from McConnell’s 2007 solo record
causing much confusion as to why Kardashian picked Iginla and not Blues right
winger Chris Stewart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">3) <b>Trey Anastasio
– </b><i>For The Actor (Mates of State cover):</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">It’s no secret that
Anastasio is sick of hippies and craves to be an indie darling. While his Fox
pilot <i>New Guy </i>was not picked up for the Fall Television
season, that does not stop Anastasio from wearing plenty of plaid and enjoying
new music from the likes of <i><b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ze6rg4ixjOI&ob=av2e" target="_blank">Girls</a></b>, M83 and <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UK2nIsflQA" target="_blank">Blitzen Trapper</a></b>. </i>With
it being reported that Anastasio is working with both The National and Mates of
State, this one time cover is not only a natural choice, it will also get him
10% off his iPhone bill as the song was made famous by an AT&T Wireless
commercial in 2008.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">4) <b>Mike Gordon
– </b><i>Weigh:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">With only two
appearances since the band reunited in 2009, Gordon decides to bring <i>Weigh </i>out
for a lone appearance at the bands Friday headline set at the <b><a href="http://www.lollapalooza.com/" target="_blank">2012 Lollapalooza festival</a></b>. While the phans who make it out to Grant Park are ecstatic for the
songs return, most are unable to hear it as Phish gets drowned out due to the
noise pollution of Skrillex performing simultaneously on the Google + stage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Round 3:</span></b><span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">1) <b>Jon Fishman
– </b><i>50 Ways To Leave Your Lover:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Fishman likes the view
from the front of his stage, and decides he wants a different look at such
beloved corporate venues as 1-800-ASK-Gary Amphitheatre, U.S Cellular Pavilion
and PNC Bank Arts Center.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">2) <b>Page
McConnell – </b><i>The Squirming Coil:</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">Feeling bad Mike
Gordon can’t take a piss break during <i>Time Turns Elastic, </i>McConnell
throws Gordo a bone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">3) <b>Jon Fishman
– </b><i>Character Zero</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">A fun song to play,
but really Fish just enjoys watching Wooks headbang in the front row.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">4) <b>Mike Gordon
– </b><i>Jagged Little Pill (Complete Alanis Morissette album):</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">With a lack of fans
filling the USANA Amphitheatre in beautiful West Valley Utah, Gordon decides
that once again it is time to bust out an entire album in the middle of <i>Harpua </i>for
phans who make the trek to the “Life Elevated” state. What Gordon failed to
realize that while people still love the 70’s juggernaut <i>Dark Side of
the Moon, </i>no one but Gordon and <i>Full House</i> Dave
Coulier star gives two shits about one of the best selling albums of the
1990’s. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>Robert Palmer Plorehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14285170223621387548noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-53918094935328379212012-01-05T17:32:00.002-05:002012-01-20T13:02:59.549-05:00Mayan Holidaze Calendar ends on January 30th 2012. Is this the end of the world?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
By Cactus Jack<br />
<br />
With 2012 finally here we have a few dates that Mayan historians claim could be the end of the world. One new prophecy includes the date of January 30th, 2012. This marks the end of the Mayan Holidaze calendar. Archeologists are now pointing to this date as a possible change to life as we know it. Possible outcomes include human extinction, to a reversal in the Magnetic north and south poles, or even a shift in the Jamband hierarchy with The Disco Biscuits moving from 3rd tier Jamband to 1st. I’m not sure which one of these is more unbelievable. <br />
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It is expected that a mass cult group of people will converge on this date down in Mexico to celebrate the coming of the end of days. It is theorized that many will eat pills together claiming that on this date there will be a dramatic change to life as we know and only true believers will be living in ecstasy. While the former may not happen the latter certainly seems like a given.<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0zoL9hGgNkg/TwYow3OXANI/AAAAAAAAARg/Ei8iTwn-qkk/s1600/signed_digicolor_umphstage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-0zoL9hGgNkg/TwYow3OXANI/AAAAAAAAARg/Ei8iTwn-qkk/s320/signed_digicolor_umphstage.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
While nothing about this theory is for certain, some strong evidence points to a cataclysmic end. First, we have no dates for future Phish concerts at this point. Without the holiest of holy to save us from the end of the Mayan Holidaze, the world will be in need of its saviors. At this point the world’s saviors have left us in 2011 and there is only speculation of when they will return. Second, the Disco Biscuit are headlining on January 30th, 2012. This alone could have the world spinning out of control. How is the world going to deal with a Disco Biscuits headliner? Politicians fear this alone could cause rioting in the streets.<br />
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The not too distant future looks grim if what is coming in the next month holds true. Let us pray that we survive the Mayan Holidaze and the world moves on to become stronger from the events on this date. </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-70538815370700021522011-12-30T10:46:00.000-05:002011-12-30T11:36:30.768-05:00Phish Pin collector collapses under weight of pinsThe latest trend in Phish lot merchandise took an unexpected turn when a fan who claimed to have collected over 200 pins in the past two years collapsed and lay motionless on the sidewalk near Madison Square Garden. <br /><br />While weighing very little, the unnamed male pin collector had amassed over 100o pins, including 200 Phish pins, many of which were worn on an oversized hoodie, to accommodate the baubles. While trying to get up from his seat at a bar near MSG, he struggled to cross the street. With some help from friends and balancing on waiting taxis, the 20-something fan then fell over, unable to move underneath the weight of the hundreds of tiny Lilliputian metal coffins. <br /><br />The collection that weighed the fan down:<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xaRx78TptiY/Ttp8DLHl00I/AAAAAAAAAQY/5eP0ilu0l_M/s1600/381476_2710345919056_1269090873_3087857_1560370555_n.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 239px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xaRx78TptiY/Ttp8DLHl00I/AAAAAAAAAQY/5eP0ilu0l_M/s320/381476_2710345919056_1269090873_3087857_1560370555_n.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5681990273847382850" /></a><br /><br />"The dude has been a FORCE on the pin collecting scene since Hampton. Dude always has extras to trade, hooked me up with a sick pin from 8 and the entire puzzle set from summer 2010. I hope he's OK, but if not, those pins are fair fucking game man."<br /><br />When reached for comment, the paramedics stated "we've never seen anything like this. It's like he was bogged down by pimp chains, but these are tiny as hell. We're re-hydrating him and hopefully can get some of these pins off him so he can walk, but so far he twitches and lashes out when we try to remove the pins. Its a daunting task."<br /><br />The fan was reported to be in stable condition at Makisupa Presbyterian. No word if he took his tickets with him or hooked a brother up on the way out.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-34706142831009047232011-12-29T12:00:00.000-05:002011-12-29T12:39:51.667-05:00Brownie fires entire crowd at Biscuits showIrritated and upset with the crowd’s performance at last night’s Disco Biscuits show, Bassist Marc Brownstein stopped in the middle of Svenghali and announced that the entire crowd was fired. <br /><br />"I just couldn’t take it anymore. The crowd just was not getting down, I didn’t see them getting into these thick bombs I was dropping and far too many were focused on their cell phones. I expect more from a crowd. So I did what I had to do”<br /><br />The crowd, while stunned, complied and left the show, which was only two songs into the second set at 2:30 in the morning. “Brownie’s right, we could have done better. No, we should have done better. I’m sorry I let him down,” shared Molly B. Untzington of Floral Park, NY. “I brought my A-game but I have no one to blame but myself. Did you hear that fucking Minions? Shit dude, how was I not dancing with the intensity of a bomb going off?”<br /><br />Others were not as thrilled and complained at the mass firing but they were reassured when reminded there was a post-post show featuring Orchard Lounge starting at 4am at the Highline Ballroom. <br /><br />A new crowd was gathered out in front and informed that they were expected to “dance their fucking faces off,” according to a bystander who witnessed the transfer of crowds in and out of the venue. The switch of audience took less than 30 minutes due to the adept crowd-control exhibited by Allen Aucoin who had stepped outside to cool down after sweating for the last two hours and helped speed the transition.<br /><br />The new crowd consisted of a few dozen Bisco fans who did not have tickets to the original show, dozens of tourists including a Japanese tour group led by Hal Masa, a few Times Square hookers, some homeless folks and a few hundred Occupy Wall Street Protestors who went on to chant "This is what a Bisco crowd looks like" upon entering the building.<br /><br />The crowd was treated to a House Dog Party Favor->Space Bird Mating Call, although Shem Rah Boo was left unfinished.<br /><br />Said Brownstein, “This is more like it. I love this crowd! Onto Chicago!”Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-86075747491382379532011-12-20T17:49:00.000-05:002011-12-20T18:06:59.410-05:00The Phunion's NYE at MSG WishlistBecause we all want to hear certain songs or see certain things at the 4 upcoming Phish shows, here is The Phunion's staff list of things they are looking for the most to end the year:<br /><br />10. Phish plays Crowd Control for the Occupy Crowd, location: some random park.<br /><br />9. Something to make this gram of molly worth it.<br /><br />8. Lifeboy.<br /><br />7. A mashup of Thunderstruck and Fuck Your Face. Title: Thunderfuck Your Face.<br /><br />6. Security guards that don't do their job and let us all get the fuck down wherever there is room.<br /><br />5. A 30 minute version of anything, as long as it rhymes with Geezer or Schmost.<br /><br />4. No mention of The National, ever again.<br /><br />3. A new years gag that has something with houses. after a year of WHAT? and HOUSE, something like singing "OUR HOUSE" with Hugh Laurie on vocals would be expected, if not damn near guaranteed.<br /><br />2. Gold Soundz.<br /><br />1. No phish fans complaining about any part of the show (phans can dream, right?)<br /><br />Happy Holidays from The Phunion. We'll be updating throughout the NYE run, so follow us @thephunion on twitter and stay tuned for news as it happens here at thephunion.blogspot.comUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-3261471553575418522011-12-19T20:25:00.000-05:002011-12-19T23:16:08.344-05:00Phish Fan Parents using days left till NYE as counting lesson for childrenAcross the country, as Phish fans gear up for the holidays, the countdown to the first notes of Phish that will be played on December 28th is as enticing as Christmas or Hanukkah. But fans countdown not just to the first present under the tree but also to the first notes from Phish, and it has become a popular method for teaching children of Phish fans to count.<br /><br />Jonah Ostrovsky from Merrick, Long Island, has been doing the countdown with his son, Ryan, for the past three months. "I counted back to when there was 100 days left on September 17th and we counted the number using toys and cards or whatever was around, then we drew the number on paper and put it on the wall in his room so he could see the numbers. I'm getting more and more excited as the days countdown. I think he enjoys it too!" <br /><br />Ryan, only 6 months old, is far too young to comprehend the intricacies of math, let alone counting from 100 to zero, or even 1 to 10, but the thought that Phish fan parents are taking an important part of their life and making some use of it with their children is reassuring for the next generation.<br /><br />Parents are encouraged to count numbers while keeping in mind a child's cognitive development and focus on numbers 1-10. Counting down the rest of the days left until December 31st, as of the 21st, would yield 10 days and one number to learn each day through repetition, visual aides and counting aloud. <br /><br />Younger fans are encouraged to take part in couch tour with their parents all four nights, but keep in mind parents will need to be wary of songs like "Fuck Your Face" and may have to answer questions about "The Meatstick". However, the dances during "Punch You in the Eye" and "Guelah Papyrus" can introduce a child into the world of Phish in a way children will appreciate for the fun and lighthearted nature of the songs. <br /><br />The math concept of "1 for 3, 2 for 5" is encouraged to be taught no earlier than 3rd grade, as the art of making a deal is not understood until age 9.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-71513878256754429482011-12-14T14:34:00.000-05:002011-12-14T15:23:58.014-05:00King Wilson: I Fucking Hate GlowsticksKing Wilson, the evil ruler of all of Prussia and Gamehendge, Duke of Lizards and general all around douche weighed in on issue of Glowsticks at Phish shows.<br /><br />"I Fucking Hate Glowsticks! Seriously, these things are the worst. I'm at a show, they play YEM and they go flying. I'm usually on the floor FOB near the rogue tapers and those god damn sticks come flying. It makes me so angry I want to punch a n00b, right in his fucking eye. Yeah, I've done that before too. Not proud of myself, but I did it!"<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nr4qtNqUxCo/TukFzZHNg0I/AAAAAAAAARI/OJvqK-gOwQQ/s1600/4090032175_fc14a9b506.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 268px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Nr4qtNqUxCo/TukFzZHNg0I/AAAAAAAAARI/OJvqK-gOwQQ/s320/4090032175_fc14a9b506.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686082385004561218" /></a><br /><br />Phish fans have recently discussed the merits of Glowsticks at shows, as a planned event to START the 12/28 show has garnered hundreds of attendees via the <br /><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/154420071323516/" target="_blank">Facebook event page</a> but at the same time has led to increased conversation among Phish fans as to the purpose of Glowsticks at shows. Some think they are cool, some think they are annoying, but with the support of King Wilson it is clear that the anti-Glowstick crowd has gained a major endorsement.<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qKPJAUyBRs4/TukFfgdVyFI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/1bjLLWv7gY4/s1600/product2_large.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 315px; height: 255px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qKPJAUyBRs4/TukFfgdVyFI/AAAAAAAAAQ8/1bjLLWv7gY4/s320/product2_large.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686082043379042386" /></a><br /><br />"Anyone who agrees with me is cool. If you don't like Glowsticks, we can hang before the show, eat some molly, rip lines, punch n00bs, whatever the fuck ya want. I roll heavy and don't take shit from no one. We rage in ways that are unheard of yet."<br /><br />Wilson continued, "You know Dave Anver? That guy is a fucking pussy compared to me!"<br /><br />Harping on his hatred of Glowsticks, he even continued to add credence to the rumor that dub-step DJ Skrillex is the product of improper Glowstick use. "I heard Skrillex ate a glowstick before he started producing that god awful shit fuck music he makes. Serves him right. Fuck him too."<br /><br /><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x95xG-taElo/TukFK5VaSXI/AAAAAAAAAQw/rDCtBRS_u24/s1600/skrillex_promo.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x95xG-taElo/TukFK5VaSXI/AAAAAAAAAQw/rDCtBRS_u24/s320/skrillex_promo.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5686081689279416690" /></a><br /><br />It seems that fans of Glowsticks have their work cut out for them on 12/28, with a vocal opponent leading the fans who hate Glowsticks. 'No i cant have fun!"<br /><br />"And if Phish plays anything less than a 8 minute Tube, shit is gonna get REAL!"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-68386521792050492592011-12-03T17:38:00.000-05:002011-12-04T15:18:25.737-05:00Jeff Holdsworth totally loving lifeFor Phish fans who were wondering, Jeff Holdsworth is doing fine and totally loving life. Emerging from the relative obscurity of life as a computer engineer, Holdsworth sat down with Trey Antipasta from The Phunion to talk about what life is like, 25 years after leaving the band he founded, Phish. <br /><br />"I can't complain, I have my family, my health. Plus I get to play in a jazz trio every Wednesday night downtown at a martini bar, although they sometimes turn my amp down."<br /><br /><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DCvgkFxdsPk/TtvVXAhoFBI/AAAAAAAAAQk/VIZU39a86oI/s1600/220px-Jeff_Holdsworth_Albany_NY_Dec_2_2003.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 220px; height: 211px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DCvgkFxdsPk/TtvVXAhoFBI/AAAAAAAAAQk/VIZU39a86oI/s320/220px-Jeff_Holdsworth_Albany_NY_Dec_2_2003.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5682369946112758802" /></a><br /><br />When not working or playing guitar, Jeff has no remorse on leaving Phish, a band that went on to have huge national touring success. "Look, I get $50 every time they play Possum and $75 everytime they play Camel Walk. So in case you missed the last few tours, I'm doing very well thank you very much."<br /><br />Added Holdsworth, "Finally gonna put a pool in. Aboveground."<br /><br />Co-workers did not seem to be aware that Holdsworth was one of the founders of Phish. "He talks about it, but we figured he was just talking out his ass, about being in Phish. One day we looked it up and by god, there it is - Jeff playing with Trey. We had no idea."<br /><br />When the interview resumed, Jeff showed a photo of Trey and him from 1985 photo at UVM. He then silently stared at the photo for 3 minutes, alternating between emotions - first smiling, then a tear, then a look of frustration before turning back to the interview.<br /><br />"Where were we? Oh right, well, I have my trio to look forward to each week and if fans were to stop down and check it out, that would be pretty sweet. And in case anyone else is reading, I 'try' to keep my calendar pretty open."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-36078031482776661502011-11-16T17:00:00.000-05:002011-11-17T23:37:00.966-05:00Atmosfarag actually not named after Andy Farag<div style="text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: left;"><font class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </font>Stunning Umphrey's fans who have connected the song 'Atmosfarag' to percussionist Andy Farag, the band revealed today that the song was actually named after Farag Foda, an Egyptian writer and satirist of Islamic fundamentalism</div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><font class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </font>'I read 'Discussion on Secularism' in college while I was on a plane and connected 'atmospheric' and 'Farag', not even factoring in that Farag is my last name,' explained Farag. 'Weird, I know, but that's how it happened.'</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><font class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </font>For a short instrumental, the name Farag fits perfect when referencing Foda. "The song can be played in the background while reading any of his works. I recommend it while reading "We Be or Not to Be. It is truly an amazing book" </div><br /><div><br /></div><div><img style="text-align: center;float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 226px; " src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Uqn9Igh78Lo/Toqo9FrVasI/AAAAAAAAANQ/IIXi4PmuRbA/s320/Farag-Foda%2B%25281%2529.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659521649193872066"><img style="text-align: center;float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 290px; " src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-brI1UKr5Al8/Toqo9PVRAFI/AAAAAAAAANI/5Yz1g7qZY_A/s320/Farag-Andy-lg.ashx_.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659521651785662546"><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-15612594517631662022011-11-08T01:36:00.001-05:002011-11-08T01:56:43.682-05:00Lizards Demand to see Wilson's Long Form Birth CertificateFacing growing skepticism from the Lizards, Evil King Wilson is being pressured to produce his long-form birth certificate, to prove that he was born in Gamehendge and not in Freedonia, as a majority of Lizards now believe.<br /><br />Amid growing concerns that Wilson is indeed unfit to be the Duke of Lizards, a recent poll showed that 53% of Lizards believed Wilson to have been born in nearby Narnia. The AC/DC Bag, assistant and executioner for Wilson said in a statement, "We have been over this. When King Wilson took over as leader of Gamehendge, he posted his short form birth certificate for all to see on the rhombus. He was born here in Gamehendge, grew up on the south side of Prussia and spent two years traveling foreign lands - Atlantis, Xanadu, Shangri-La and Moldavia, where he spent time with his cousin Vigo the Carpathian. To continue questioning his place of birth distracts us from that which we must focus on - the continued enslavement of the lizards."<br /><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wjjom4P0sII/TrjRvHr0TdI/AAAAAAAAAQE/FmknbgGnF-k/s1600/3d7ec241-5491-4bd1-8d2b-6581aeb4e509.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 238px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wjjom4P0sII/TrjRvHr0TdI/AAAAAAAAAQE/FmknbgGnF-k/s320/3d7ec241-5491-4bd1-8d2b-6581aeb4e509.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5672514338120027602" /></a><br /><br />The Lizards were none too pleased. One member of a growing faction of lizards, The Tela Party, suggested that Wilson would face an uphill battle, literally, from an army led by Tela Party favorite Colonel Forbin. "With an army of lizards, King Wilson would be forced to reveal his long form birth certificate or face rebellion," said a lizard who would only say his name was RTB, due to the steps Wilson has taken to quell anti-Wilson press. <br /><br />Whether or not Wilson will produce his long-form birth certificate remains to be seen. For now, the lizards are continuing to do thing smart people don't do, such as trivialize where a dictator was born.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-19792815501060604992011-11-01T22:11:00.001-04:002011-11-01T22:11:48.236-04:00Report: Phish Fans Agree Never to Mention “Art Photos” Ever Again<p class="MsoNormal">Over the Summer of 2011, Phish fans quietly agreed to never again bring up, discuss or in any way mention “Art Photos”. This decision was reached mutually among Phish fans who knew what happened at that one venue on <st1:place st="on">Long Island</st1:place> (rhymes with Schmones Schmeach) where nothing happened during the Dead show. Nothing happened backstage, just stop talking about it. NOTHING HAPPENED!</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-19475577631142183062011-10-16T23:30:00.000-04:002011-10-19T22:58:23.400-04:009/10 kidz think the country of Mali is a drug<div style="text-align: center; "><div style="text-align: left; ">Adding to the woeful state of affairs for education in America, a study released today by the Barber Institute today show that 9 out of 10 kidz think that Mali is not a country in Western Africa, but the recreational drug known as molly. The study, sponsored in part by the <a href="http://www.africansky.org/">African Sky</a>, a charity working in Mali to promote education and better health, was initiated because of a past volunteer who arrived expecting Mali to be something it was not. </div><div style="text-align: left; "><br /></div><div style="text-align: left; "><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-l44iftOSldU/TpdpuM29VeI/AAAAAAAAANw/a4SzR0oFcaA/s320/mali_small_map.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5663111298888324578" style="text-align: center; display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 234px; height: 251px; " /></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: left; ">Director of Media Relations, Pierre Tigana, shared that "this girl, she arrived eyes bright and very excited to be here. Very excited, and she could only ask when we were going to pick up. I did not understand this 'pick up', so we brought her to training, only to have her ask around for 'shards' and 'mahl', neither of which we understood. Jetlag is a problem even for me when I travel abroad, so we gave her a day to relax, hoping she would be prepared for the long haul of volunteer work. It turned out that this was not the case and that she was intensely looking for something that we could not discern nor provide. Finally, she gave up and went home screaming 'FALSE ADVERTISING!!!' and warned people not to expect Mali (sic) in Mali, whatever that means.'</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left; "><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t7Mc4cToE_c/Tp8C_3sgYmI/AAAAAAAAAOg/ji716a_cGIU/s320/26503_10100369068560461_2058487_66238065_6629754_n.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5665250152561009250" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 240px; height: 320px; " /></div><div>This guy, Steve....</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: left; ">One of the kidz, Steve Gardenia reacted in a manner consistent with the study, "You have GOT to be fucking with me man! No FUCKING WAY there is a country called Molly (sic)! Those folks must have the best show ever, every single day and night." </div><div style="text-align: left; "><br /></div><div style="text-align: left; ">To help the kidz understand the difference between Mali and Molly, The Phunion would like to take the time to explain to all our readers how to tell Mali and Molly apart. </div></div><div><div style="text-align: center; "><br /><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-TNNiExyHlPc/Tpdpt9La8oI/AAAAAAAAANk/A8QFfhk870E/s320/A4mali.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5663111294679184002" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 298px; " /></div><div style="text-align: center; ">Mali - this is a country in Western Africa</div><div style="text-align: center; "><br /><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Ral_Qw2LASA/Tp5k3bcAV4I/AAAAAAAAAOI/o2JB1PYR8Kc/s320/mdma3.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5665076284699465602" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 246px; " /></div><div style="text-align: center; ">This is MDMA, also known as Molly, Mahl and Shards. </div><br />The Phunion asks that you please share this with your family and any kidz who may like Molly, but not know that Mali exists. Granted, it's pretty depressing in Mali year-round compared to taking Molly, and definitely not as much fun, but it is important to know geography.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-56510099932626294792011-10-12T00:36:00.000-04:002011-10-12T01:45:49.215-04:00Medeski, Martin and Wood set to open up improvisational law firm<div style="text-align: left;">Jazz/Improv trio Medeski, Martin and Wood announced that they will be taking a break from the road in order to pursue a unique side project of starting their own law firm.</div><div><br /></div><div>As drummer Billy Martin noted in the September issue of Relix Magazine, "I like the sincerity of of [our eventual name] even if it does sound like a law firm." Thus, a mere weeks later, the trio are taking the idea seriously and taking time off the road in 2012 to get their firm staffed and to start a legal tour de force by late that summer.</div><div><br /></div><div><img style="text-align: center;float: left; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 10px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 160px; " src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-VjJUilEsks0/TpUnTBy57sI/AAAAAAAAANY/-5GPVmbLS0w/s320/medeski-martin-wood.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5662475314341211842" /></div>John Medeski, keyboardist for MMW shared with The Phunion the bands plans for the coming years. "We'll do a little criminal law, some divorce work, then mix things up halfway through a case later some constitutional law cases. Martin noted that his eagerness was genuine "I've been waiting my whole life to jam out in front of the Supreme Court. I <i>know</i> Clarence Thomas can't sit stonefaced through our funk."<span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;">While Chris Wood will take an active part in the law firm of Medeski, Martin</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre;">and Wood, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; ">he will have a </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; ">side practice with his brother Chris Wood. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; "><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="white-space: pre; ">They will specialize in family law.</span></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-80872169371500253502011-10-06T13:00:00.000-04:002011-10-07T11:03:39.448-04:00Phish wins Nobel Peace Prize<div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>In an announcement that has stunned the world, American jamband Phish were awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The band received a phone call at 6am (Noon in <st1:place st="on" style="text-align: left; "><st1:city st="on">Oslo</st1:city>, <st1:country-region st="on">Norway</st1:country-region></st1:place><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-align: left; ">, where the prize is announced and awarded) informing them that they received the award. Frontman Trey Anastasio received the phone call from his home outside </span><st1:city st="on" style="text-align: left; "><st1:place st="on">New York City</st1:place></st1:city><span class="Apple-style-span" style="text-align: left; ">.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>“Um, what do I think? I think this is unbelievable. I heard we were nominated but our old friend Sven (who is in the Norwegian Parliament) from Goddard (College) nominates us every year. I guess this year, something struck a chord with the voters and we won. I am amazed. Was 2010 that great a year for us? Wow. Really…it really makes you think.”</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-e3c2wNnqK4s/ToqlJe2DC5I/AAAAAAAAAMY/WtlI9AkbYWA/s320/nobel-prize.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659517464061610898" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 163px; " /></div><div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "> </span>The criteria for being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, as set detailed in Alfred Nobel's will states that "the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses.” The last phrase seems to be the key for Phish’s continual nomination and ultimately, their victory this year. Having been nominated early in 2011, the whole of Phish’s career impact is dually considered while the last two years, 2009 and 2010, when Phish reunited after a 5-year break up and played strong out of the gate.</div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Member of Norwegian Parliament Sven Svenson, a 1987 graduate of <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Goddard</st1:placename> <st1:placetype st="on">College</st1:placetype></st1:place> has been on the Norwegian Nobel Committee for the past five years, but only recently did his half-serious nomination get taken with full weight by the committee. “Ya, I thought it would be worth a shot and since I’m on the committee, I can nominate who I want. I have seen Phish over 200 times and make trips back for the festivals and bigger shows, like <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Miami</st1:place></st1:city> and SuperBall 9. So when this year, I took the committee to SuperBall 9 with me, something clearly struck a nerve. Soon, the whole idea became quite serious, and research was done on their body of work to see if they truly did benefit World Peace,” shared Svenson. “In fact, I think that it is well deserved.”</p><div></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-diJKHaKrPUQ/ToqlKBOWOKI/AAAAAAAAAMo/9Si3CO3k83k/s1600/norwegian_parliament.jpg" style="text-align: left; " onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-diJKHaKrPUQ/ToqlKBOWOKI/AAAAAAAAAMo/9Si3CO3k83k/s320/norwegian_parliament.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659517473290336418" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px; " /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Norwegian Parliament, crafted of Norwegian Wood</div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>While some felt others were more deserving, including Activists, Political Prisoners, the <a href="http://www.hindustantimes.com/A-Nobel-Peace-Prize-for-the-Arab-Spring/Article1-753295.aspx">Initiators of the “Arab Spring”</a> movement and website Wikileaks, other members of the committee expressed their support for Phish.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Olga Olafson, a member of the committee was enthusiastic about the nomination of Phish after SuperBall 9 and her excitement grew as she shared her rationale for choosing Phish as the Nobel Laureate this year. “Have you listened to the Waves Soundcheck from <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Bethel</st1:place></st1:city>? Or the Cobo Disease? Either of those, right there is pure gold and could in fact benefit world peace. Anyone who heard that music would put down their guns, put away their anger and find peace in the music. I know I did, I did a few shows on, ahem, ‘sick leave’ from the committee. I just couldn’t wait till SuperBall 9, I needed some Gordo bassbombs.”</p><div></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Sven stated that he made his argument best by examining the Ghost from MSG on 12/31/10 and finding that when broadcast amongst warring factions during the Arab Spring in <st1:place st="on" style="text-align: left; ">North Africa</st1:place>, the crowd became more peaceful and was able to demonstrate an ability to talk, communicate and discuss rationally and calmly with each other. You sincerely cannot see that with any form of music. “Basically, Phish helped to fuel the Arab Spring. What was also was a big help was the entirety of set 2 on 1/1/11. What a set from start to finish. That Simple was sublime.”</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "> </span>Added Svenson, “These guys need to play <st1:place st="on">Europe</st1:place> more often, and after the ceremony, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a mini-tour up here in Scandanavia.”</div> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Of the 20 organizations that have received the Nobel Prize in the past 110 years, there has been no musical recipient of the high honor, making Phish a band to break new ground both at home and abroad.</p><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-soF5TYdsRKU/ToqlJzw9i0I/AAAAAAAAAMg/ybBr0GmBz9A/s320/oslo_town_hall_261480.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659517469677423426" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px; " /></div><div><div style="text-align: center;">Oslo City Hall, Norway</div><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>As is the norm, a concert is planned in <st1:country-region st="on">Norway</st1:country-region> at the Oslo Spektrum on December 11<sup>th</sup>, 2011, the day following the official ceremony at <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oslo_City_Hall" title="Oslo City Hall">Oslo City Hall</a>. (Mike Gordon will be rescheduling his tour dates for early 2012) The concert, which is broadcast to more than 450 million households in over 150 countries around the world has become a notable in recent years due to the eclectic lineups of music. In the past, Herbie Hancock, Wyclef jean, Lionel Richie, Yo-Yo Ma and Andrea Boccelli performed in the past few years, making Phish one of many to play, and some potential for collaboration brewing as well. (There have also been hundreds of world music acts that no one in America has ever heard of, and in the interest of time we didn’t bother to mention them. Our sincere apologies. Maybe if you played Bonnaroo we would have said something.)</p><p class="MsoNormal"><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ha2YFXrd228/ToqZ4b1bQQI/AAAAAAAAAMQ/QYb7jCzF6bY/s320/Oslo_Spektrum.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5659505076568015106" style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px; " /></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre; "> </span>They have a Spektrum in Oslo.</p><p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>This will mark Phish's first performance in <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Norway</st1:place></st1:country-region>. An online ticket request period is currently underway at <a href="http://phish.portals.musictoday.com/" target="_blank">Musictoday.com</a> and will end on Friday, October 14th at noon ET. Tickets will go on sale to the general public on October 15th. There are very few tickets available, so unless you plan to drop $800 on a plane ticket and $400 for a hotel room, don’t ask for an extra.</p></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-22826111903739721962011-09-28T15:33:00.000-04:002011-09-29T15:29:59.476-04:00Following SuperBall IX, Festival 8 downgraded to AA+<div style="text-align: left;">In a move that sent shockwaves through the Phish community, Festival 8 was downgraded from a rating of AAA to AA+, following the tremendous performance of Phish at SuperBall IX. The major rating agencies, including Standard and Poors as well as Moody's all agreed that the music played at SuperBall IX was so impressive that it warranted not only a rating of AAA but also a downgrade of the most recent Phish festival, Festival 8.</div><div><br /></div><div><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 194px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-d8smz6g3OsY/Tn1O8WeYEVI/AAAAAAAAAMA/sbMsmiOpzMg/s320/Superball-9-Phish-pin.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655763505779315026" /></div><div><div>"Well, I don't know if I should be elated or upset," opined Trey Anastasio, guitarist for Phish. "On the one hand, its great to see that SuperBall IX got a AAA rating but to have your last festival downgraded as a result, thats just a headscratcher. Was SuperBall so good it could affect the past? Whoa. I gotta sit down," remarked Trey as he took a seat and stared blankly out the window for 10 minutes.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>When presented with the findings, some Phish fans called foul but a few were able to look at the big picture and offer their opinion. "I was at Festival 8 and yeah, it was amazing, from the Stones set, the Burble and the acoustic set, but if you're gonna compare the two, SuperBall smokes Fest 8 like a bag of headies," noted longtime Phish fan Mark Kelley. "Maybe it was so intense that it made the last fest look worse by comparison. I can get behind that man. Really, I can."</div><div><img src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xVjuo_aBCZ4/Tn1PAw6GPBI/AAAAAAAAAMI/ZxaMPwwOufA/s320/4073868125_e7da8419e5.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655763581594385426" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 214px; " /></div><div>The downgrade does little to effect the economic pull of Phish, which has already released a 3D movie of the festival set in the Coachella Valley of California and has little marketing planned for Festival 8. "SuperBall stands to benefit in a great manner as being the upper echilon of Phish festivals in the 21st century," said Louis Criscione, head analyst at Moody's and Phish fan since 1987. "Having seen The Went, The Wheel, IT and all the other festivals, there is no question in my mind this festival deserves a AAA rating. They went above and beyond throughout the festival. There wasn't a dull moment." Criscione continued "And shit man, the Storage Jam? Un-fucking-real. Best Sleeping Monkey ever!"</div><div><br /></div><div>Criscione was fast to point out that SuperBall IX would benefit from the rating two-fold. "First, the band can charge what they want on all merchandise from SuperBall IX, whatever is leftover that is. Second, they can't take their time planning their next move for a festival. If they return to Watkins Glen, they'll be expected to put on a show just as good, if not better than SuperBall. The fans will want it and expect it. We'll expect it, because the bar is now set high."</div><div><br /></div><div>At press time, there was no comment from The Burble.</div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3870733405209941548.post-50364773295733262882011-09-17T00:59:00.000-04:002011-09-21T01:00:46.328-04:00Brendan Bayliss takes leave of absence from Umphrey's McGee; returns to Notre Dame to play football<div style="text-align: left;">South Bend, Indiana</div><div><br /></div><div>Returning to his alma mater at an hour of greatest need, Umphrey's McGee guitarist, singer and founder Brendan Bayliss opted to forgo his continued path to rock stardom at least temporarily so that he could play quarterback for The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>With two years of eligibility left and a cannon that would surprise many Umphreaks and Irish alumni as well, Bayliss held a brief press conference to confirm that he would be taking a leave of absence from Umphrey's McGee, at least temporatily, while he fills in at quarterback for Notre Dame, which has suffered greatly since Bayliss graduated in 1998. </div><div><br /></div><div><div><img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j8ehxCxaG6E/TnlWrdu9R1I/AAAAAAAAAL4/c2gao73cdpU/s320/bb.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654646111856314194" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 213px; " /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div></div><div><br /></div><div>"Look, we're 1-2 and even the win against Michigan State wasn't fulfilling. I'm doing what I have to do, as a proud alumni, as a great quarterback and as someone who knows how to win," said Bayliss to an enthusiastic crowd outside The Store in Chicago. Wearing the Notre Dame jersey of Joe Montana, Bayliss evoked an image of a leader on the field, commanding the Irish down the field in victory. There was not a dry eye or panty in the house.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Bayliss' senior year of high school netted a spectacular season</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><ul class="stat-snapshot" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 3em; margin-left: 0px; list-style-type: none; list-style-position: initial; list-style-image: initial; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; width: 490px; text-align: center; color: rgb(255, 255, 255); overflow-x: hidden; overflow-y: hidden; "><li class="first" style="float: left; width: 156px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; "><div class="stat-name" style="text-align: center;font-size: 11px; background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/site_themes/sprites/header_background_tiles.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-top-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px 0px; background-position: 0px -120px; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; ">Passing Yards Per Game</div><div class="stat-field" style="text-align: center;font-weight: bold; font-size: 15px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(206, 213, 219); background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/backgrounds/bg-site-texture.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); border-top-left-radius: 0px 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; ">264.0</div></li><li class=" alternate" style="float: left; width: 156px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 1.899999976158142%; "><div class="stat-name" style="text-align: center;font-size: 11px; background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/site_themes/sprites/header_background_tiles.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-top-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px 0px; background-position: 0px -120px; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; ">Points Per Game</div><div class="stat-field" style="text-align: center;font-weight: bold; font-size: 15px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(206, 213, 219); background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/backgrounds/bg-site-texture.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); border-top-left-radius: 0px 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; ">13.7</div></li><li style="float: left; width: 156px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 1.899999976158142%; "><div class="stat-name" style="text-align: center;font-size: 11px; background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/site_themes/sprites/header_background_tiles.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-top-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px 0px; background-position: 0px -120px; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; ">Passing Yards</div><div class="stat-field" style="text-align: center;font-weight: bold; font-size: 15px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(206, 213, 219); background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/backgrounds/bg-site-texture.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); border-top-left-radius: 0px 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; ">3502</div></li><li class=" fourth alternate" style="float: left; width: 156px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 0px; "><div class="stat-name" style="text-align: center;font-size: 11px; background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/site_themes/sprites/header_background_tiles.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-top-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px 0px; background-position: 0px -120px; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; ">Passing TD</div><div class="stat-field" style="text-align: center;font-weight: bold; font-size: 15px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(206, 213, 219); background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/backgrounds/bg-site-texture.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); border-top-left-radius: 0px 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; ">28</div></li><li style="float: left; width: 156px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 1.899999976158142%; "><div class="stat-name" style="text-align: center;font-size: 11px; background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/site_themes/sprites/header_background_tiles.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-top-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px 0px; background-position: 0px -120px; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; ">Qb Rating</div><div class="stat-field" style="text-align: center;font-weight: bold; font-size: 15px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(206, 213, 219); background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/backgrounds/bg-site-texture.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); border-top-left-radius: 0px 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; ">121.1</div></li><li class=" alternate" style="float: left; width: 156px; margin-top: 0.5em; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0.5em; margin-left: 1.899999976158142%; "><div class="stat-name" style="text-align: center;font-size: 11px; background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/site_themes/sprites/header_background_tiles.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-top-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-left-radius: 0px 0px; background-position: 0px -120px; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat; ">Rushing Yards</div><div class="stat-field" style="text-align: center;font-weight: bold; font-size: 15px; padding-top: 0.25em; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; border-top-color: rgb(206, 213, 219); background-image: url(http://www-content-v3.maxpreps.com.edgesuite.net/includes/images/backgrounds/bg-site-texture.png); background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(119, 119, 119); border-top-left-radius: 0px 0px; border-top-right-radius: 0px 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; border-bottom-left-radius: 0.5em 0.5em; ">1348</div></li></ul></span></div><div>Early scouting reports note that Bayliss's quarterbacking skills are great, with over 3500 yards in his senior year of high school. He threw for 28 touchdowns and ran for 12 more. In workouts, scouts notes that he could evade defenders, a skill likely gained after years of dodging adoring female fans during and after shows. "Even though he hasn't played in a competitive game in over 13 years, what I saw in practice the other day puts all doubt out of my mind," observed scout Charlie Dixon. "I rode on the tour bus with the guy for four days and he was spending hours practicing bullet passes down the middle corridor of the bus, perfecting his throw (to a solid receiver in Ryan Stasik, a fellow alumni) and getting in quick games in the parking lot before he took the stage each night. I tell you, this kid is ready."</div></div><div><div><br /></div><div>Even Bayliss' band mates are supportive of the idea. Bassist Ryan Stasik as well as keyboard/piano player Joel Cummins each were supportive of his move from frontman for Umphrey's McGee to quarterback for their shared alma mater. "I've always felt Bayliss could be quarterback based on all our mid-tour pick up games. We continually smoke moe. at Summercamp each year with him behind center and we are undefeated against Cornmeal and the Kansas City Chiefs. I am proud to take a few months off knowing he'll be leading Notre Dame to victory," shared an enthusiastic Cummins. "We are wrapping up the 'Death by Stereo' tour shortly and we will be back in Chicago in no time. Brendan is taking off the Saturday show at the Norva and we're clearing the schedule till the end of the season. He said he'd do double duty between the band and Notre Dame, but we can wing it as a five piece till the end of the season, and likely next year as well. He has two years of eligibility left after all."</div><div><br /></div><div><img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BI4wdIHBRw8/TnlWrJnfe-I/AAAAAAAAALw/eQI0QIpDtqs/s320/627002893_c35288ac88_b.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5654646106456292322" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px; " /></div><div></div><div><br /></div><div>A gleeful Stasik chimed in "And guess who gets to sing finally? That's right, I'm taking over Bayliss' vocals till he returns. Best silver lining to this whole thing."</div><div><br /></div><div>Fans are mixed on the idea, wondering why Bayliss is forgoing tour this fall when there is a new album to promote and potentially a conflict with New Years Eve in St. Louis if Notre Dame makes it to a bowl game on the 30th or 31st of December. Many fans on The Bort, a popular Umphrey's McGee fan forum, expressed dismay because they had given up on Notre Dame years ago, like most of the country. Jeremy O'Malley, longtime Umphrey's fan and frequenter of The Bort shared his thoughts. "I don't see how he can rescue that sinking ship. He's not playing special teams and defense too is he? Cause they need more than just a quarterback that shreds. Fuck it, I love Bayliss and Umphrey's, I'll support him. Go Irish!" </div><div><br /></div><div>Fans from The Bort have already been suggesting names for play calls, including Blue Echo, Ocean Billy, 2x2 (2 receivers on each side), Conduit (creating a seam up the middle), Divisions (to split the defenders), Gulf Stream (when playing the SEC), and Push the Pig (QB sneak). If recommendations are taken, fans of both Umphrey's McGee and Notre Dame will have all audibles now referred to as 'Jimmy Stewart.'</div></div><div><br /></div><div>Head coach Brian Kelly said in a statement, "If Bayliss can throw as good as he can shred, then we're looking like champions again."</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1